Loves, can you believe we’re this close to the end of Season 3? Moving house has really thrown my sense of time, but here we are. Eddie embraces an anxious seeming Sarah, and walks out to greet cheering crowds in somewhere in southeast Asia. As Eddie smiles beatifically at the audience, we see the barrel of a sniper rifle and faster than we can yell ‘EDDIE DUCK!’ he’s shot in the heart, a fatal injury. Then Lilith wakes in a hospital bed with a patch over her bad eye, gasping about the nightmarish vision we just shared with her. She tells her doctor friend that the vision was It’s … how The World Ends.
Just in case we weren’t sure it was a vision we cut over to Eddie, alive and well, and a little pissed at the NDA style document the Meyer lawyer has drawn up in the wake of the lawsuit, and Eddie’s decision to … I mean, basically crack down on dissenters. For all that Eddie originated the idea, he’s in a tizzy about how complete the document is, and the lawyer doesn’t exactly win him over by pointing out how Scientology or Catholicism avoid legal troubles through the same ruthless Lawyering, so Eddie needs to trust them to take care of him. Damn, lady!
Over on the compound, Vera finishes a meditation session and Cal appears to be … all sorts of awkward, but mostly to take her to the picturesque clearing from their shared memory. Cal retells her story almost verbatim, as Vera slowly starts to realise exactly where she is, and who Cal is — the sandy haired boy from her memory. Cal knows Steve was her father, though he mostly just wants to know who she is, and why she is there. Vera is afraid Cal will tell Eddie but, haltingly, stuttering, he admits again that he doesn’t want want Eddie to end the Movement because of what Steve did. This may just be me, but I also get the impression Cal, understandably, just doesn’t want to confront it. He’s lived without these memories so long, then recovered them. I don’t think he’s capable of actually working through them like he’d have to if this all came to light. Poor, poor Cal. As Vera hurries away, in her own world of turmoil and confusion, Cal asks who her mother was, if she’s here at all. Vera lies that her mother is dead.
And she was right, sort of. Last time Vera saw Lilith, her mother was basically risking dying from cancer. Whether it’s because Sarah has reignited Lilith’s need to be recognised, or the woman is just that obsessed with being around Vera, she has finally treated her cancer. Sarah visits the poorly Lilith, who hasn’t outed Vera as her daughter but does admit to having an estranged daughter, one she was lazy in raising. Sarah is trying to bond over their mutual motherhood, and mostly just wants to know if her vision of black rain and scattered bodies is what Lilith meant by The Future. Lilith wants to show her more, so they head over to the building project Lilith and Vera visited so many weeks ago, and oh, shit.
Yeah. That’s a big, old Apocalypse Bunker, right down to the huge gigantic stash of guns and bullets. Oh shit. Sarah is taken aback and confused that bunkers clearly have limited space, but in her fragile emotional state she fully understands Lilith’s ‘explanation’ that part of surviving the Apocalypse is deciding to let others die in it.
At the centre in the city, some novices are anxiously discussing the NDA which is twenty five pages long, and makes anything written inside the building, property of the building. Duuuuuude. Speaking of Captain Paranoid, Eddie is outside meeting with Sarah, who wants him to meet Lilith. Eddie invites her over, but Lilith won’t come to any Meyer centres because in the past, Steve had threatened her. Eddie’s response is incredibly troubling; he adamantly denies Steve would ever have threatened anyone. Dude. Eddie. Eddie. I speculated about this last week, but I think we may be here. Eddie may be too far gone to believe anything bad about Steve. Damn, damn, double damn!
At a Christian, inclusive church mass with a wonderful LGBT congregation, Hawk genuinely enjoys the mass. He’s approached after by the pastor and sheepishly admits he’s afraid for a friend and wanted to know if there’s a space in Christianity for gay Christians. The pastor is wonderful and says beautiful things about God loving everyone, which is what drove her to create a church that reflected that. Also, after mass, they have donuts. I mean, I’m sold. Hawk seems to be as well and guys, is Hawk out researching safe, gay, religious spaces for Caleb, so that Caleb doesn’t have to give up his faith to live his best life? Oh, my heart.
Later on the ranch, Eddie and Vera host Cal and Mary for dinner, and the subject of Sarah’s visit comes up. Eddie talks about Lilith, oblivious to the fact he’s holding her daughter’s hand all lovey dovey. He explains what Sarah believes, and even Cal can’t remember the woman. Jesus, what did Steve do to these kids? Vera casually suggests just shutting down such silliness, then she and Cal clear the plates and head back inside, together. Alone inside, Cal wants to talk and nervously, gently asks if Steve hurt Vera too, but she’s certain it didn’t happen. Cal points out his own repressed memories, and I may have almost forgiven him for murdering Silas at this point. He’s so broken. He is trying not to just beg her to answer the questions he still has, fill in the gaps he can’t, but Vera doesn’t want to revisit any of those memories. He mentions what we know to be the cave that is somewhere on the same property, the one Sarah has visited and my heart breaks at the idea that if he just spoke to Sarah; if all these people just got on the same page, they could all start to heal. Damn it!!
Back outside, Eddie has been talking up Sarah’s ideas and Mary is saying how much it changes things if Lilith was the real origin of the visions, and encourages Eddie to meet with Lilith. Yes, Mary! Cal, though, clearly worrying what else will come out, waves it all off. He puffs up Eddie’s ego and says the past doesn’t matter, and that it’s Eddie’s movement now. Eddie beams while Mary quietly seethes.
The next morning, Mary asks Cal outright why he was so far up Eddie’s ass the night before . Cal claims he was just trying to get them off the subject of Lilith for fear what it might bring up, which isn’t a lie, but I don’t think it’s the answer Mary was asking for. Mary asks what notes he’s writing, and Cal talks about trying to recover more of his forgotten memories. Mary suggests letting the memories stay buried and perhaps, getting real, actual therapy. Cal points out they don’t believe in that and Mary huffs off, wondering aloud if they’re real Meyerists or not. Good question, girl. Good question.
Hawk goes over to Caleb’s house, and calls the kid outside from his going-away party. Pastor Billy comes outs and defensively gets between them, and Hawk is incandescent at the mere presence of him. Billy makes Caleb speak, and he sheepishly admits he ‘chose’ to go to the ‘therapy’. When pushed, he screams about how he won’t just lose his church if he doesn’t go, he loses his family, everything. Hawk can’t accept it, and to be fair, I wouldn’t entirely be able to, but Caleb flees back indoors while Hawk screams at Billy about how he’ll never see his son’s true soul. Poor Caleb.
On the ranch, the Armstrongs and Lanes have an emotional moment, as they plant a tree for Hank. Russell and Eddie can’t help but bicker, even now, though Gabbie steps forward and takes over, quickly easing the tension. They each have their own moment saying goodbye to Hank but it’s Sarah, when left alone, who prays a different prayer and then cuts her palm and bleeds into the earth. Eddie rushes over, as Sarah explains it’s from Lilith, and encourages Eddie to consider leaving the movement like she did. In a moment I found hilarious and yet, telling, she assures him not to be afraid to leave. I know she’s sort of a crazy lady now, but she can’t actually have forgotten the way Eddie fully left for six months.
Vera finally goes to her mother’s house, and learns Lilith had the bad eye entirely removed, and may now be cancer free. Vera is really just there to ask about Sarah, and whether Lilith has told Sarah that her visions are about Eddie’s death. Vera admits she’s become a Meyerist. Lilith knows it’s about the burn, and we learn that Lilith, (like Cal’s mother) left Vera alone at the compound for a period. Vera warns LIlith away from Eddie, and her mother intuits they’re together. Vera doesn’t want to hear any more, particularly not when Lilith reminds her that she’s been lying to Eddie about who she is. Lilith warns that Eddie will come to see her, and when he finds out who Steve was, Vera’s identity will be the least of her worries.
At the centre, Gabbie storms into Eddie’s office to take him to ask over the contract — which we learn includes clauses controlling speech and thought, and giving the cult power to just … take people’s shit. Eddie can’t make a single argument in the face of her outrage, as she realises she should have been listening to Sarah all along. Every bit the mother/grandma, she leaves Eddie to think on how disappointed Hank would be. Oooof!
Cal has gone to a therapist, a real one, and immediately starts talking about how psychology is all a sham and he knows it doesn’t work, and he’s not at therapy to be ‘shrunk’. She smiles wonderfully and asks why he’s there, and he admits needing help with his blocked memories, and is hoping a few brief sessions with her will just teach him the right tools. He’s so nervous that he just talks and rambles, and the amazing doctor interjects with little questions every now and then, to keep him rolling. Cal rambles on about his memories, how Mary (who he admits genuinely loving, and it might be the first time we’ve heard him express that) is mad at him, because he’s backing off their idea of branching out to start their own ‘personal motivation’ business, particularly now he’s starting to remember or discover things from his past — such as his ‘sister’, Vera. Cal, basically terrified, asks if she can help him, and she’s frank about the work it will take, and thinks she can help him with his memories. She dives right in, and suggests discussing what made him forget in the first place. We fade out before Hugh Dancy can break our hearts too permanently.
At the Lane home, Sarah finds Hawk on the porch steps, frustrated and angry with himself for losing it with Billy. She asks if he really wants to talk to ‘the pariah’ about this, and he sweetly tells her she’s the only one he wants to talk to, and d’aaw. Inside, Hawk talks about his mission to find a church for Caleb and again, my heart. He asks if Sarah is still a Meyerist, and she vaguely answers she is, but also never really was. She has an amazing moment of growth when she remembers how what Caleb is going through is what Sarah did once to Hawk. They hold hands, and Hawk gushes over Caleb and Unity Church, his fears Caleb won’t show up. Sarah is calm and sweet, and hopes Caleb will turn up too and dear show, that was a lovely scene. Well done.
Vera visits Eddie’s cabin, which I don’t mention enough, but sort of love. It appears fairly simple and rustic, fitting for a man of his position.With the surrounding views, the oh-so-stylish interior, plus the fact it was likely handmade, you realise in spite of its simplicity, it’s probably worth more than the Lane House. Eddie is reading Lilith’s diaries, and piecing together the fact Lilith left and took a child with her. Vera just admits the truth about Lilith, then about Steve being her father, but like Cal, she has very fractured memories of her childhood. Eddie makes her come clean about her true ‘mission’, which was to help Meyerism grow as big as possible, so it would fall as far and hard as it can. Eddie is reeling, and Vera argues that she was told her whole life Steve was evil, but that her mother is crazy. Eddie realises she’s telling him to get ahead of him learning from Lilith, and Vera sobs, begs him not to see Lilith. Eddie is moved by the outpouring and embraces her, and it’s hard to know his exact thinking. Ooof, that was a scene. Frieda Pinto better be back next year!
A storm brews, thunder rumbling, lighting crashing. This show super loves dramatically timed storms, particularly when it mentions the cave — there was thunder rumbling when Sarah found it a few weeks ago.. At their apartment, Mary comes home to find Cal furiously drawing. He tells her that ‘all the memories’ are in the cave with the painted flowers from his flashbacks. Thunder crashes as he admits he needs to find it.
Over at Unity, the choir sounds amazing, and Hawk is sitting in the pew, alone, heartbroken. The pastor spots him, and he shrugs and forces a smile that I can’t explain but can relate to so much, as if to indicate his absent friend. She gives him a reassuring smile that is lost on me, as I cry and cry. Oh, Caleb. Elsewhere Eddie has gone to Lilith’s office, but she’s not there. Sarah happens to be there and expresses real concern for Lilith, who she can’t get hold of. Eddie can barely tolerate the sight of her and as he leaves, spits that he’ll come to find Lilith when he’s ready, not the other way around.
In her apartment, Lilith sits in the dark and watches the storm with her remaining eye. We don’t learn what she sees in the lighting.
So, a little bit of the same problem as last week; we are awfully close to the end of the season, with what feels like a fair amount of story to get through. Despite my earlier doubts about Lilith and her apocalypse, the actual direction the story has taken has me enraptured. I would hate to see it rushed to a conclusion, or left on some cheesy cliffhanger — especially on a show with a habit of ditching storylines (YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT ALISON? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?). I want enough resolution to feel satisfied so that if Frieda Pinto unexpectedly learns she’s fired a week before s4 shooting begins, we won’t feel Vera’s absence too badly.
That said, I enjoyed this week. Hawk and Caleb’s story is truly touching and if there’s one thing I don’t do enough is thank the show for Hawk, a young kid who had an easy life, who is learning that his was not a universal experience, and who responds by trying to make it so. What is happening to Caleb is heartbreaking and the sight of Hawk, basically grieving the loss of someone he loved while the congregation around him was so lively, will stay with me for some time.
Sarah, at least right now, might finally be becoming her best self. Her reflective understanding of Hawk’s situation was astonishing, and there’s a general change to her demeanour that I hadn’t seen before now. Even though she seems to believe some of Lilith’s words, she seems more grounded than she ever has. I like this version of her.
Eddie, though … no. His attempted visit with Lilith didn’t exactly smack of the warm and fuzzies, and his orders to Sarah made it quite clear he’s not Team Lilith in any way. If he is to be won over, Lilith is going to need to pull something remarkable out of her hat. But, I don’t think she’ll win him over, I think she’s going to tap into his existing insecurities — whether she means to or not — and drive him over the edge.
Think about it … if she mentions, say, Cal, and the abuse, how is Eddie likely to react? I would like to believe Cal is right (and by the way, Cal’s earnest belief that Eddie would just automatically do the right thing speaks volumes of its own), and Eddie would shut everything down, not least of all because he and Cal have finally become so close of late. But at this stage, I fear he’s more likely to take it the wrong way. He’ll see it as a conspiracy, and he’ll think Sarah and Cal are in on it with Lilith.
We head into The Path‘s final three episodes next week, airing first on Hulu with recaps on Oohlo soon after. See you there, true believers.