Texas Representative Proposes Regulating Men’s Bodies with Tax on Masturbation to Preserve Sanctity of Unborn Children

Well, now we’re getting somewhere. It’s about time all the old, white dudes who are so fond of regulating women’s bodies got a taste of their own medicine.

Many of us have noted that if men were the ones who got pregnant and had to carry babies around in their bellies for nearly a year, who’d feed newborns from their own moobs, we would never, ever hear another word about what decisions people can or can’t make about their own bodies. And, one Texas state Representative, Jessica Farrar, stands ready to test out that theory with proposed legislation intended to preserve the sanctity of life … by taxing men who masturbate, and requiring rectal exams for fellas, before performing vasectomies or colonoscopies or before prescribing Viagra.

Addressing “the regulation of men’s health and safety“, HB 4260 would impose a penalty on “unregulated masturbatory emissions” and require informed consent, and  a 24 hour waiting period prior to any physician performing vasectomies, colonoscopies, or issuing a Viagra prescription. Additionally, doctors would be mandated to read each requesting patient the state publication, A Man’s Right To Know.

Such wording is, of course, similar to Texas’ current abortion laws, and though HB 4260 is satirical, the state’s requirements of women seeking abortion are not; Representative Farrar is seeking to highlight those excessive requirements.

A lot of people find the bill funny. What’s not funny are the obstacles that Texas women face every day, that were placed there by legislatures making it very difficult for them to access healthcare.”

Amen, sister. And thank you, Representative Farrar, for standing up for women’s rights. Next up, she’s supporting HB 443, which would ensure breastfeeding mothers’ rights are not violated, and that’s no joke.

Cindy Davis

Cindy Davis

Cindy Davis has been writing about the entertainment industry for ​over seven years, and is the ​Editor-in-Chief at Oohlo, where she muses over television, movies, and pop culture. Previous Senior News Editor at Pajiba, and published at BUST.

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  • NateMan

    Man, if the state had a quarter for every time I… You know what, never mind.

  • emmalita

    She is my new hero.

  • KWDragon

    Okay, I am so done with this. No more satire.

    Propose the bill. Make it a real bill. Make sure it gets debated on the floor. Treat it with the deadly seriousness it deserves because MEN DO THIS SHIT TO WOMEN ALL THE TIME. Maybe if this wasn’t another, “Ha, ha, looks at those silly women trying to make a point,” but an honest to goddess piece of legislation, MAYBE it would make a point.

    This legislator is a hero, but I would really love to see her try to ram this through for debate.