It doesn’t matter if you watch for the fashion, the speeches or interpretive dance saluting Best Boy Grips, Oscar night has a little something for every fan of movies. Tonight our very own Craig Wack will put down his comic books long enough to watch tonight’s ceremony, crack some jokes and make some pointed observations — for science!
This year should be an interesting one to watch the telecast. Host Jimmy Kimmel is going to have to keep things lively with the potential of a La La Land (14 nominations and a “magic of showbiz” subject that is traditionally catnip for Academy voters) rout in the making. If the Golden Globes were any indication, this edition of the Oscars will get political given that the current administration appears to oppose all of the ideals that the Academy embraces. So we’ll put a clock on when the “Trump” is brought up either through direct mention or impersonator. I’m guessing it will be withing the first two minutes of the cold open.
So join me at around 8 p.m. EST to kick off the liveblog of this year’s Academy Awards ceremony.
Cindy will be back tomorrow with the fashion roundup and what I am sure will be more on how this one ended. Thanks again and we’ll see you at the Emmys.
Thanks for sticking all the way through the surprise twist ending of the Oscars.
Just proves you need good proofreaders before you seal the envelope.
Handed out the wrong envelope
Pricewaterhousecoopers shit the bed
Shut up Warren.
Warren spent too much time screwing around.
Meh. Who wants to be La La Land becomes this decade’s “Crash”
Umm Faye, looks like your dress came unbuttoned there by the shoulders. I blame Warren, he’s still a rogue.
Ok kids. Best picture
I had no idea Emma noticed. I have to remember to send her a Christmas card this year.
Aww you’re welcome Emma
I really do want Negga to win. But I think a Stone acceptance speech will make me squee a little.
Aww now Casey can take part in the Oscar fight at the Affleck house at Thanksgiving.
It’s great Brie Larson is still a little overwhelmed by being a movie star. Don’t ever change Captain Marvel.
And speaking of Lead Actor …
La La Land might just sweep the rest of the awards tonight. It all depends on how much the Academy likes Casey Affleck more than Baby Goose.
The third parachute joke was one too many, especially when you are already running long.
Amy Adams is very sparkly tonight
Like the 1972 Dolphins, the cast and crew of Ben-Hur pop the corks on their champagne as they will spend another year alone atop the all-time Oscar wins list. Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 5
This was the first time I’ve seen Ben smile in years.
“And Guest” Nice.
Wilder got me. So did Carrie Fisher, obviously.
Ok time to cry. This is going to be a long damn in memoriam segment.
No EGOT tonight however. But Miranda will have another chance or two before it’s all said and done.
LLL might yet get the tie. This was the stiffest competition. Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 5
Hommina hommina hommina
Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 4
So was there a discovery of a rich vein of blue velvet made last year that I wasn’t alerted to?
Kimmel has been a pretty good host, but he’s going to have to hurry to end the telecast in 20 minutes. There’s a ton of awards still to hand out.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t Damon and Affleck presented together every year for the past 20 years?
Great all those years of dance instruction, a grueling audition process to land on the Oscars and all I get to do is freaking move furniture.
The 80s prom called Baby Goose, it wants its shirt back.
Costume change for Mean Tweets
The tie is still alive. Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 3
Javier is like I am so not Jeffrey Dean Morgan, bitches. You think JDM hangs with Meryl? Oh hell, naaw
What!?! No bridge? RIP-OFF!
Meryl and Javier walking through a covered bridge coming up!
Leslie Mann is an underrated comedian.
John Cho looks so good in a tux, he deserves to be the next Bond, despite not being British.
Shoulda put those guys in the Balcony of Closeness
A film about Syrian rescue workers. The Academy is making a big statement tonight through its own ballot box.
Salma was like I totally can’t pronounce any of these names
It’s kinda cool they put the orchestra in a cave
Kimmel is using sugar to keep the energy in the room up. I employ the same strategy with my candy bucket at work.
Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 2. LLL has to sweep the rest of its awards to tie the all-time record.
Lots of technical love for Mel tonight.
Miranda is having the time of his life right now.
I thought Rogen was in a walking cast at first
Where did CapAss go? There was a seat filler next to ScarJo
Dammit. Now Suicide Squad stands alone with its Oscar
Doctor Strange better win this one
Thank God for this segment. I forgot to put my clothes in the dryer. This segment is why I will wear clean pants to work tomorrow.
It was funny. But it was also 5 minutes that should have been spread around for winners to say their thank-yous
This segment is suprisingly hilarious
Goose is such a polite Canadian
Stop with all the lovey dovey, 50 Shades, these poor people have like 10 seconds for their speech as it is.
Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 1. Still in the running to break the all-time record.
Nice that Dakota just threw a necklace over a vintage bathrobe and just said, “screw it, I’m going to the Oscars”
Dang, first loss of the night for me. Kubo was really good and such interesting animation.
Even the presenters are getting in on the political stuff
I think that one dude was wearing formal Vans
I forgot the “balcony for nominees not important to sit on the floor” segment of the broadcast.
Those metallic pieces on Hailee’s dress have unfortunate placement. I predict a Kimmel joke about it.
So do shows like Duck Dynasty air commercials about strict immigration policy and white nationalism? There are a lot of big companies lining up to say a message of togetherness during the Oscars.
Sting with the stinger at the end. I can see it now. “He’s been overrated for years. I can have tantric sex longer than him. Ask Ivanka, she will tell you.”
Oh the tweet Trump is composing right now
The winner is from one of the 7 countries on Trump’s list.
Shirley got a standing O for surviving 2016
That was a good payoff for an otherwise pointless segment
Hehe Meryl sneaking one more Junior Mint
Although my trips to Walmart feel like traveling through a post-apocalyptic wasteland, mine end less happy and with more pizza rolls.
Did I forget to mention the hat? Dayum
Viola deserves all the awards on her acceptance speech skill alone
Does this make Viola a Grammy away from EGOT?
A proper gentleman does not wear his cheeky porkpie hat in a major awards ceremony
Yes yes lovely message. But hat
Hat hat hat hat hat hat hat hat
Supporting actress time
Wow, Chris Tucker sighting
Was Vaughn invited or was just standing outside the theater when they found out Natalie Portman was too preggers to attend the awards?
The non-famous winners tell the best stories.
Scoreboard again. Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 0. LLL must win the next award it is nominated for to beat Ben-Hur for the all-time record.
Poor sound people, suck in the back of the theater. They are practically at the Orange Julius.
Who’s is winning the “broadest shoulders” competition in CapAss vs. Sophia
Ruth Negga was adorbs with the candy
And it’s audience participation time
Academy President may as well just be standing on stage flipping the double bird screaming “SUCK IT TRUMP” for three minutes
In case you are counting we are almost an hour into the show and Suicide Squad has won more awards than La La Land and Hidden Figures combined.
Is that sun piece in the background a leftover from the Brazil Olympics?
Miranda hoping some last-minute Hamiltoning will deliver him to EGOT land
Monae’s dress got caught up in the wheelchair
You feel for Ava but that OJ thing was a brilliant bit of documentary filmwork
Monaedoes great line readings. She might want to make acting her full time gig.
A deserved standing O right there
That is a lot of fierce on one stage
Hey guys new plan. Kate McKinnon presents all the awards tonight. Who is in?
Ok we get it Rolex has been doing product placement in movies for 75 years.
There’s one La La Land probably needed. Scoreboard Ben-Hur 11, La La Land 0
Yes kids you can’t bag on the movie without saying how bad Cara Delevigne’s twerking was in the Academy Award winning Suicide Squad
McKinnon is awesome.
Back to back boobs jokes for Jimmy
That was an awesome acceptance speech.
Dude should also win and Emmy for his work on Luke Cage
Woot, I’m not getting shut out tonight.
I would not dislike a Patel win, however
When did Starman learn how to do grizzled so well?
Come on Ali, don’t make me 0-1 right off the bat.
I’ll give the monologue and 8.5 out of 10
The greatest non-tribute ever for Meryl
How is Janel Monae is sitting in that dress of hers?
Squeeee ScarJo and CapAss are sitting together
Ok that was a good joke Jimmy (re: Oscars so white joke)
And here come the Matt Damon jokes
I think you take your life into your own hands if you drink at Trump jokes tonight
First Trump reference 6:15 in the show, third joke of monologue
I wonder if Timberlake would make a good Oscars host?
And now Jimmy comes on stage to kill the energy in the room
Nice exchange between friends there between Timberlake and The Goose
Give JT, this song has sucked all the tension out of the room.
Larson is adorbs as always in the crowd
Negga should have just jumped onstage too
The Trump clock has started
Oh God, it looks like they are making Pepto in that commercial
Robin Roberts with the Coming to America referecne FTW
Timberlakes move on, move on
Conscientious objector is a little much for Strahan to pronounce
Mel’s wife has that Melania Trumpish, held hostage look to her
Come on Busy Phillips, stop getting in Michelle Williams’ spotlight
Not feeling the brown pants there Rock
The Rock can wear a damn suit.
Denzel and his wife are adorbs together
Ok dude in the Google commercial — step one of cooking, make sure you have all the proper ingredients BEFORE you start cooking.
Miss Moneypenny is looking foine in that dress. But I’m a superhero guy, I’m partial to capes.
That’s a lot of velvet on Strahan’s suit
Wanna take a bet you could but a house (or two) with the value of Charlieze Theron’s earrings
Tough choice: Whose face is more frozen tonight — Kidman or Urban?
What does Nicole Kidman have against wearing, you know, a color?
Mel Gibson is acting like he’s fighting to keep the drugs from kicking in
The Affleck stareback at the camera was a little unsettling
Nice to see Casey Affleck made an attempt to bathe for the big night.
Ruffles? Really Baby Goose?
If you haven’t checked in yet, let everyone know what your snack of the night is. I am going with ice cream and Girl Scout cookies.
Cindy will have the full fashion rundown tomorrow but I will give you my opinions on the clothes tonight.
To kick things off I’m going to make my predictions for many of the award winners tonight so that you have something you laugh at me about later. And as David Letterman always said, no wagering.