If they bake it, we will come.
Friends, there’s even more distressing news about the status of BBC’s Great British Bake Off, the charming competitive reality show we wish we’d come up with ourselves. You know how, on our side of the pond, everything can be all yelling and throwing bags of flour at each other?
Yeah, I’m sorry, that’s how we do it here. But GBBO is nothing like that; I’m not sure their contestants would even dream of anything so offensive. They mostly cry and put hands over their mouths at the mere thought Paul or Mary mightn’t like something they’ve baked, and then Mel or Sue come along with a cheery “Chin up!” or “Learn and move on.”
The magic foursome of Sue, Mel, Paul, and Mary is undeniable and simply cannot be messed with, which is why we’re utterly distressed about the news that Love Productions decision to move the series from the BBC to Channel 4 (mo’ money: specifically, £10m, if the BBC report is correct), which spurred Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins to announce they’ll be leavingi the series. And, if new rumblings are correct, it’s possible Mary and Paul will follow suit and quit, leaving the door wide open for new hosts.
Ladies and gentlepeople, THIS ABOMINATION WOULD NO LONGER BE GBBO. Not only that: you may freely shriek in terror when you hear of the first celebrity to throw his hat into the ring as a replacement.
MOG, that girl is everywhere. No, it’s not Taylor Swift; it’s Jamie Oliver.
Jamie Oliver is the frontrunner for their jobs should they decide to quit, after he previously stated that he’d “love” to be one of the judges on the baking show.
May I just quote Nadine? “I WILL FIGHT HIM. I WILL FIGHT HIM TO THE DEATH.”
(At least it’s not Cthulhu.)
Look, before we totally freak ourselves out about new judges and hosts, there’s a really simple solution to this whole nightmare.
MARY, MEL, PAUL, AND SUE CAN START THEIR OWN BAKING SHOW.
Keep it on the Beeb or take it interwebbical; whither thou goest, SO SHALL WE.
Of course, they’d have to mess with the formatting a bit, and change the name so they don’t get themselves into hot water, but, really, isn’t it the perfect solution all around? Our favorites remain together, and we can all go back to politely eating the delicacies we’ve never heard of and contestants have never baked before:
happily awaiting ever-kind Mary,
and Paul’s lovely, judgy eyes.
Update: Our dreams are coming true! Mostly, that is. Radio Times and others are reporting that the BBC is likely to reunite Mary Berry, Mel Giedroyc, and Sue Perkins for their own baking show. While the three have all declared they’ll not follow Bake Off to Channel 4, silly Paul is going, so if you love his dreamy eyes and the way his face quickly transforms from unreadable mystery to satisfied smile, catch him over there. But if you want to see the rest of the devilishly charming trio tripping the baking life fantastic, stand by the BBC!